The Bone Polisher Read online

  “A woman is a river,” Sonia said. “Love flows through her. But unless love flows in, no love can flow forth. I look to Al as the source of the love that will flow through me, to my family and friends, and ultimately to my child. Nothing is sadder than the woman in whom the source of love has dried up. I trust Al to keep the love flowing.”

  I looked at Al, the source of love. Al looked at his feet.

  “From now on, I say to Al Hammond, you are the source of my love. And you are the basin into which it will flow. I will make this promise only once in my life, Al, and I make it to you. I am honored to wed you.”

  Al made a sound like someone swallowing his tie.

  “Querido mío,” Sonia said, her voice quivering. “Yo te amo, para toda mi vida. Tu es mi corazón y mi esperanza. Por favor, dame tuyo amor siempre.” She lowered her head, the veil brushing against the blue trousers.

  “And Al?” the chaplain prompted.

  “Huh?” Hammond said, staring at Sonia as though she’d just emerged naked and pearly from the sea.

  “You have something to say to us, don’t you, Al?”

  “Yeah,” Hammond said, blinking heavily. “Yeah, I do.”

  “You may begin,” the chaplain intoned, tossing Al the territorial teeth in a fatherly grin.

  “Sonia,” Hammond bellowed, and then started at the sound of his own voice. “Sonia,” he repeated more softly, “I am here today to make you my partner for life. I ask you to partner with me, even when I’m working solo. I promise that our home together will always be my heart’s home. As partners, we will share equally, good or bad, and I promise to bring as much good as I can home with me. We both know how hard that can be.” He paused, and then added: “In this job.” He looked around the pistol range, and opened his mouth for a breath.

  “I haven’t always been a good man, but I promise to try to be the kind of man you deserve. Sonia, I promise to love you and honor you, the same way you’ve honored me by promising to be my partner. I’m not much good at anything but the job, but I promise to work on our marriage harder than I work at the job.”

  Suddenly the room went watery, and I had to blink. Hammond had lost his first wife because of his total absorption in the job.

  “And I forget the rest,” he said belligerently, “but I love you all to hell, and I want to marry you.”

  Some cops clapped.

  “The ring, please,” the chaplain said, looking at me.

  “Right here,” I said, handing it to Hammond.

  “Repeat after me, please, Al. ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’”

  “With this ring, I thee wed,” Hammond said, taking Sonia’s hand and slipping the ring over a slender finger.

  “For better and for poorer, in safety and in danger—”

  Hammond repeated the words.

  “To love and to honor, to cherish and obey, until death us do part.”

  “You bet,” Hammond said, nodding.

  “Say the words, Al,” Sonia urged, and Hammond said the words.

  The chaplain beamed at him. “You may kiss the bride.”

  “God, I’d love to,” Hammond said. Orlando helped him lift the veil, and Sonia, dazzling and tear-streaked, gazed up at Hammond and tilted her face to his. Orlando looked at me and grinned, but it was pure show: His cheeks were as wet as mine. A couple of stolid macho jerks, we avoided each other’s eyes as the new man and wife kissed.

  “By the power invested in me,” the chaplain announced, a beat behind the course of events, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

  There was a general readjustment of feet, and a moment later we were headed back up the aisle. I caught a glimpse of Eleanor, sympathetic water all over her silk, before a woman pushed herself into our way, a woman not in uniform. At the moment I recognized her as Hazel, I heard my name being called over a loudspeaker.

  Hammond stopped dead in his tracks, bringing all of us to a halt like a railroad collision, people piling into each other’s backsides.

  Hazel stared balefully at Sonia and then at Hammond. She was wearing a sweatshirt and blue jeans, and her hair had been haphazardly bleached by the chlorine in the modest pool behind the house Hammond’s alimony was paying for. She glared at them like the harpy at the banquet, the uninvited fairy at the christening.

  The loudspeaker blared my name again.

  “Just wanted to see her,” Hazel called to Hammond. “Is she going to be nice to my kids?”

  Hammond said, “What the fuck?”

  Sonia put out a hand to silence him. “Al says you’re a wonderful mother. I hope we can be friends.”

  “Well, hope again, honey,” Hazel said. “But don’t give my kids any trouble, hear?”

  “I have my own child,” Sonia said, touching her stomach, “to worry about.”

  From Hazel’s expression, as blank and astonished as the paper targets at the far end of the room, this was the first she’d heard about it.

  “That call’s for me,” I said to the nearest cop, taking the coward’s way out. “I left the number on my answering machine.”

  Hazel’s voice rose behind me as the cop led me to a phone mounted on one of the white walls. “Yeah?” I said into the mouthpiece.

  “This is Christy,” the voice said. It coughed, and the cough turned into a choke and then a sob. “Max is dead.”

  I looked around the room. Hazel was still yelling at Sonia and Hammond. “Where? How?”

  “Home. Be… ah… beaten to death. Where are you?”

  “Doesn’t matter. Have you called the cops?”

  “And give them a voice-print?” he asked. Then he laughed, and something lassoed the laugh and choked it off, and he coughed again. “Are you crazy?”

  “What am I supposed to do?”

  “Call the cops,” he said, and hung up.

  I turned to the nearest cop, the cop who had led me to the phone.

  “I want to report a murder,” I said.

  4 ~ Spurrier

  “Damn it, Al, I think the guy who did him was in the house. When I was there.” I swung out into the fast lane on Fountain to pass someone who was carrying on an animated conversation in an otherwise empty automobile, and the limousine trailing us followed suit. Hammond, sitting next to me in the passenger seat, was absorbed in a bright yellow brochure that offered a staggering variety of “His & Hers” items.

  “Washcloths I can see,” he said. “But matching golf shirts?”

  “You couldn’t know,” Sonia said to me from the backseat, where she and Orlando had been murmuring conspiratorially to each other for miles. “There’s no point in kicking yourself.”

  She and Hammond wore flower leis given them to speed their way to Hawaii. The cops who hung the tiny pink orchids around Hammond’s neck had managed to keep straight faces, but just barely.

  “How about some nice pillowcases?” Hammond asked. “Blue for me, pink for you. Christ, it’d be enough to keep you awake, lying there in the dark and wondering if you’ve got the right pillow.”

  They’d volunteered to drive to Max’s house with me on their way to the airport, but Sonia’s remark was the first either of them had addressed to me. Hammond had been too busy going through my morning’s mail, and Sonia and Orlando apparently had pressing business to whisper about.

  “You’ll have to tell the sheriff’s deputy about what you heard,” Sonia said as though Al hadn’t spoken. “All we can do is hand you off to them. It’s their territory.”

  “We’ll put you right with them, though,” Hammond offered. “All you got to do is tell them what happened, tell them about the little doily who hired you, and go home.”

  “Al,” Sonia complained, sounding like a wife.

  “Yeah,” Hammond said. “Sorry.” Then he chuckled, deep in his chest. “How about old Hazel, huh?”

  “Don’t go thinking she’s still in love with you,” Orlando volunteered maliciously. “It’s just the loss of power she’s worried about.”

  I turned left from
Fountain onto Flores as Hammond maintained a ponderous silence. I could practically hear him counting to ten.

  At about eight, Sonia observed, “Nice area.”

  “If you like fruitcake,” Hammond said automatically. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. But you know, even though there may not be a lot of real good reasons to work for the LAPD, one of them is that the Sheriffs got Boys’ Town.”

  “West Hollywood, you bigot,” Sonia snapped.

  “The city government leases them,” I said, trying to avert a prehoneymoon separation. After all, they’d only been married half an hour. “It’s a private contract. But they’re thinking of setting up their own force.”

  “I can see the uniforms,” Hammond said. “Like Singapore Girls, only packing.”

  “That’s enough, Al,” Sonia said sharply.

  “What’re we, on 60 Minutes?” Hammond grumbled. Then he caught his bride’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Sorry, darling.”

  “What a piece of raw material,” Sonia said, softening. “Absolutely everything needs to be changed.”

  “Over there,” I said, looking at the cluster of Sheriffs’ cars and the yellow crime-scene tape.

  As I pulled Alice toward the curb, a deputy stepped forward. He had the standard-issue mustache, mirrored sunglasses, and tight khaki uniform. In his early thirties, he had no love handles to speak of. I braked, and he came around to the driver’s side and tapped on the window.

  “Help you, sir?” he said as I rolled the windows down.

  I looked up into two convex versions of my face, reflected in his shades. “I’m the one who called it in.”

  “And how did you—” he started, and then peered into the car, seeing Hammond in his LAPD blues and the orchid lei, Orlando in his tux, Sonia in full uniform with a bridal veil in her lap, and, behind us, the black stretch limo. It was enough to make him take off his sunglasses.

  “He got a phone call, sonny,” Hammond growled. The LAPD and the Sheriffs had a long and stormy history. “And he was here just before the old queen got killed. And he’s volunteered to come all the way here—’

  “Fine, sir.” The deputy looked at me. “I’m sure Sergeant Spurrier will want to talk to you.”

  “I’m sure he will, too, stupid,” Hammond muttered, setting me right with the Sheriffs.

  Two minutes later Hammond and Sonia were Honolulu-bound, and Orlando and I were following the deputy up the steps to Max Grover’s front porch. I’d promised to run him back to Parker Center to pick up his car, and the deputy had looked at him when he didn’t get into the limousine, and then looked back at me. Then he’d shaken his head.

  On the other side of the screen door, flashbulbs popped and someone laughed. The laugh ripped a little hole in the waning daylight and let in an early piece of the night: It was a nasty little laugh, the laugh of someone who’s just seen a silent-movie actor slip on a banana peel and thinks it’s funny because he doesn’t know the man wasn’t really hurt.

  “Fasten your seat belt,” I said to Orlando. “This is going to be a bumpy flight.”

  The deputy swiveled to face us. “Was he here with you?” he demanded, referring to Orlando.

  “No.”

  “So who is he?”

  “A friend.”

  The deputy thought about it. His face took on the expression of someone jogging dutifully uphill, suggesting that thinking was something he did infrequently and reluctantly, and only when there was no alternative. Then he pointed his chin at Orlando. “He stays here.”

  “Your tuchis,” I said pleasantly.

  He slid the mirrored shades back up the slope of his nose so that his eyes were concealed. “Beg pardon?”

  “He comes in. With me.”

  “The kid stays here,” he said, going for tough. The tag on his chest read KLEINDIENST.

  “Get your superior, Deputy Kleindienst,” I said. “Surely you have many.”

  “Kleindienst,” someone called through the screen door, “who you jacking around out there?”

  Kleindienst seemed inclined to give the question some thought, so I said, “I’m the one who called you on this.”

  “And he brought a little friend along,” Kleindienst said scornfully.

  “That so,” said the man behind the door. He pushed it open and looked out at me. “Ike Spurrier,” he said. He was short and compact and broad through the chest, with coloring that made him look as though he was dissolving slowly in a glass of water: almost albino, with white-blond hair and a spiky little white-blond mustache and melancholy eyes the color of wet sand. Beneath the mustache was a plump, shiny red lower lip, as wet and sharply articulated as an earthworm. He wore street clothes: a rumpled off-yellow tweed sport coat with a red polo shirt beneath it, and pressed blue jeans.

  “Simeon Grist.” We didn’t shake hands.

  “Thanks for calling us.” Spurrier’s sad-looking eyes drifted beyond me and found Orlando. “How’d you know he was dead?”

  “Someone phoned me and told me so.”

  “That so,” he said again. He shifted his gaze back to me and pushed the screen door open. “Whyn’t you come in here and tell me about it.”

  “Let’s go, Orlando,” I said.

  “He’s not going to want to come in.” Spurrier leaned toward me and raised his eyebrows like someone sharing a confidence. “He’s really not going to want to come in.”

  “I can handle it,” Orlando said.

  “I don’t give a shit,” Spurrier said tranquilly. “This is a crime scene, and I don’t need you in it.”

  I didn’t like the way this was going at all.

  “He comes with me,” I said.

  Spurrier looked directly into my eyes for two or three long seconds. “Or?”

  “Up to you. I can either tell you what I have to say, or I can go to the West Hollywood station and tell them.”

  Spurrier tucked a portion of his lower lip between his teeth and gave the street a thorough survey before allowing his eyes to settle on Orlando again. “If you faint, sonny, don’t hit any furniture. We’re not through printing.” He held the door all the way open, and I went in with Orlando following and Ike Spurrier taking the rear. Spurrier let the door bang shut behind us.

  The house seemed dark after the slanting afternoon light on the street, and I had time to make out a group of four or five men huddled around something on the floor before a flashbulb went off and blinded me completely. Orlando must have been looking away when it popped, because a second later I heard him gasp, and then I felt his fingers on my arm.

  “Told you,” Spurrier said, sounding satisfied, and my vision cleared and one of the men in front of me stepped aside and I saw Max Grover.

  He lay on his right side in a shallow lake of blood that surrounded him completely, head to foot. The little white pebbles were teeth. Bloody footprints, many sets of them, went toward him and away from him. His knees were pulled up self-protectively, and his right arm was beneath him, twisted somehow, so that it extended behind his back.

  His shirt, dark with blood, had been ripped open, baring one of his shoulders. The thing on the floor was a discard, the carelessly mutilated remains of some animal traditionally eaten on a holiday, the way a turkey carcass might look to a turkey. Nothing that had been Max was left.

  “Boots,” Spurrier said conversationally. “And a knife, of course, there.” He pointed with his toe at the blood on the front of Max’s shirt. “Oh, and over here, too, unless he used a bolt cutter or something. You’ll have to come around to get a look.”

  I took three steps around the carcass and saw what he meant. Max’s right arm ended at the wrist.

  A mosquito began to whine in my ears, and it whined more loudly until it turned into a dentist’s drill, and then I was sitting on the floor with my head between my knees.

  “I thought it’d be him,” Spurrier said to someone. Orlando was still standing, but his face was as white as though his blood had been drained. “You never can tell.”

 
; “He had three rings on that hand,” I said when I’d located my voice.

  “That so,” Spurrier said. “Well, our boy worked like hell to get them, considering he left about twenty more in the bedroom. Didn’t take his necklaces, either.” I forced myself to look at Max’s throat and saw the two gold chains I’d noticed earlier.

  “He was wearing a steel necklace, too,” I said.

  “It’ll turn up here somewhere.” Spurrier turned to Orlando. “What’s your name?”

  “Orlando de Anza.”

  “That’s not a name,” Spurrier said, “it’s a living-room set. Hey, Orlando, I’m going to ask you to go into the kitchen with Stephen here, and he’s going to ask you a few questions, nothing much, just where you’ve been and so forth, while I talk to Simeon out here. Okay with you?”

  “Sure,” Orlando said. He sounded lost.

  “You ready to get up?” Spurrier asked me.

  “I knew him,” I said, feeling vaguely ashamed of myself. “I talked to him for the better part of an hour.”

  Spurrier nodded and then extended a hand to help me up. I ignored it and pulled myself to my feet, and Spurrier put his hand into his jacket pocket. “How about we go into the book room?”

  “Fine,” I said.

  “You know where it is,” Spurrier said, not asking a question.

  “It’s where I talked to him.”

  “He give you anything to drink?”

  “Lemonade.”

  “Just the two of you, right?”

  “Right. I also touched a table in there and a few books.”

  “And now you’ve touched the floor in here,” he said.

  “That’s right,” I said, feeling myself flush. “With both hands.”

  “Your prints on file?”

  “Yes. I’m a licensed private detective.”

  “Ah,” Spurrier sighed. “Shit.”

  In the library, still fragrant from Max’s bowl of roses, he waved me to the wooden chair, and I watched him sink into the leather one. “Jesus,” he exclaimed. “Quicksand.” He took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and held them out. “Smoke?”

  “Thanks anyway.”